Helloooo Missouri!

So I have been back in Cape for a little over 3 weeks now. And it has been a weird transition. Everything was so structured in Utah. I slept in a lot when I got back. Something I never did at camp. It has been hard to find balance here at home. Camp was not easy at all, but there is something about being somewhere surrounded by people that all have the same purpose and goal.

Just in the last few days I have started to find a balance here. I never thought I would miss camp, but I think of it all the time. My main goal right now is continuing the positive changes in my life. I grew so much spiritually also, and I don't want that passion and hunger to slip away. I sense a real danger that if I get comfortable in my life again that I will lose perspective.

I am going to Africa in July on a short-term mission trip and I have been spending time trying to prepare. God is stretching me. I have the desire in my heart to be more involved in missions. All the things that I sometime look on as negatives in my life are actually ways that God can use me. Because I am available. I am thinking about a longer term mission trip to Africa. I feel that God wants me to be obedient and go on the trip and come home and wait for him to lead me. So that's what I am doing.

I have been convicted by God to sell my new truck. I don't really want to. It is my dream truck. I was gong through my finances last week and looking at how I spend my money. And I heard God asking me what I was investing in here on earth. Am I investing in people or things? So I repented and re-committed to being obedient with Gods money. But that wasn't enough. He told me to sell my new truck and downgrade. So that's what I am doing. I'm not sure that I sinned when I bought it. I just know that he wants me to sell it and I need to be obedient.

I want to be a man that loves people and not things. I want to help change this world for God. I want to influence people. My dreams are changing. No longer do I dream of a jacked up shiny truck with sweet rims. My dream is to be obedient to God and follow him wherever he leads me. I want to be known as a man after Gods heart. That is my dream now.

Cape is the only home that I have ever known. The first 13 years of my life were pure hell. I have no good memories from my childhood. When I moved here at 13 my grandparents became my parents, and they gave me the home I always wanted. Cape is my safe spot. I find myself as an adult hating any kind of change. I love the norm. I feel since being back that if I don't get out of this town soon that I will be stuck here forever. I used to want that. I was all about the "American Dream", family, house with picket fence and a truck and 2 dogs. I still want a wife and a family. I just realize now the only way to have joy and be fulfilled is to follow Gods every plan for my life.

I am praying that God calls me to Africa. He has put that desire on my heart more than I have ever felt anything before.

We all have a choice to make. We can choose comfort or Gods will. And if we choose comfort then it will become our god.


ken
p.s. as torn as I feel, it is good to be back and see you all!