This has been a great week so far. I only have six days left here and I'm finding that I have mixed emotions about leaving. This has been the absolute hardest thing I've ever done. We have a lot of new people arriving, and today during lecture time I was asked to speak about my time here and how I am overcoming negative thoughts. Because when you step out, in any area of your life and try and be obedient and do the right thing, negative voices are going to bombard you with lies. But what I'm finding out is that just like training your body, you can also train your mind and your thoughts. Because I hear those negative voices less and less now. Or maybe it just seems that way because they don't have the same power over me like they once did. So I shared about how hard it was the first couple weeks or so just with changing everything in my life. How I ate different, slept different, moved different, was in a different location, doing many things I've never done before. Pushing my body and mind farther than I thought they could go. I'm still amazed at the human body. I've said it before and I'll say it again, God is a genius! The human body when properly taken care of is capable of so much more that we think it is.
Someone from the group asked me why I didn't just choose the weight loss surgery. I had explained how I looked at that option. And all I can say is that yes I know I would have lost weight faster and with less effort. And yes its pretty safe nowadays, and yes my insurance even would have paid for it. But the reason I didn't choose that was because I wanted to earn it. I wanted to sweat, bleed and hurt for it. And I've done all those! I'm not bashing anyone who has chosen that option for themselves. I just heard God tell me that it wasn't for me.
Look, heres the truth about me as a person. I have been a lazy ass most of my life. Sorry for the language but that's the truth. I've sat around for many years and watched other people live. I watched thousands of hours of television and movies and read hundreds of books about other people living and having adventures. And I am absolutely sick of living that way. Its not living at all. I'm not crying about the past, I just know how I'm going to live in the future.
For most of my life I have chosen the easy way on just about everything. From jobs to relationships to being active. I wanted to do this the hard way. I wanted to earn something for a change and be able to look back and know that I did the right thing. And God has revealed so much to me on this journey. If something is easy then it isn't worth having. But the things in life that you will bleed for, that you will sweat and hurt for, those are the things that are worth everything! God is teaching me discipline and self control. And its time to move that into all areas of my life. I have found that I am more productive for Gods kingdom. I have had the opportunity twice to share Gods story with people and I find myself bolder than I have ever been. I cant wait to tell people about this very real God who is just ready and waiting to love them and change their lives. There is nothing in this world or out of this world that is too big for our God! Any type of addiction or problem or sin or guilt is tiny next to his power and love.
So yeah its been hard. I have wanted to quit and go home so many times. I used so much foul language here the first 2 weeks. I had to repent and apologize to my trainers. I have puked more here than I have in my entire life before. My body has ached like I didn't know it could. I've had days when I couldn't hardly get in and out of a chair. The first 3 weeks here I cried myself to sleep every night. But God was with me every step of the way. And I have learned that if I can push through and persevere, then there is something beautiful on the other side that is so worth it!
As I am preparing to come home and jump back into life, I feel so solid and ready. God brought me to the perfect place. He knew what he was doing when he led me here. God brought me to the desert to break me and rebuild me. Its amazing how perfect his plan is. I am so glad that I trusted him. I cant say enough about how much I am in love with God. Not only a living savior but a perfect father.
with blood, sweat and tears in the desert,
ken
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when you hear any negative voices or thoughts capture them with Phil. 4:8
ReplyDelete"whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things."
the enemy lies and deceives and creates chaos...that junk is not of God.
things aren't going to be easy once you get back, as you know, but they will be good! I'm excited for you, brother!
K E N N Y ! ! !
ReplyDelete$#@!-right you've earned this, boy!
N E V E R - L E T - I T - G O ! ! !
You Win!
CN