still here

Hey all. I know I haven't blogged this week at all. I cant believe how busy I am here. I just now realized that it is Thursday. This week has been rough, but today is better. This is my fifth week here and the trainers have really kicked it up a notch. Yesterday was leg day and I puked twice. We went to a park and ran hills. I mean really steep hills. I made it almost to the top and my legs totally locked up and I couldn't even walk for a few minutes. It was crazy. Today my legs hurts so bad I have almost cried a couple times.

As we approach the weekend things are starting to move a little slower. Tomorrow we only have 3 workouts. And then a movie and a full body massage tomorrow night. You would think that the massage would be relaxing and sometimes it is. But sometimes your muscles are so tight that you are more sore after the massage.

I'm really looking forward to Saturday. There are only 5 of us here for the next few days, so we decided to have some fun this weekend. Saturday we are renting ATVs and going to the famous sand dunes. We are going to ride all day in the desert! It should be awesome. They say the dunes reach for as far as you can see. Hopefully I'm not too tired to ride!

This week has been hard in different ways. In some ways since I have been here 5 weeks now I am kinda used to it and it is easier. But this week for some reason I have been hitting a lot of mental blocks. I have never physically pushed myself this hard before. And there have been many times this week where I thought I might quit and leave. I wanted to so bad. There has been a lot of crying this week. Mainly from me.

But here's the awesome thing. I didn't quit. Not only did I not quit, I have pushed myself beyond my limits. And now that I am coming out on the other side of it, I feel stronger and more confident. I have been asking God for endurance all week, and he has delivered. I am learning to claim the victory and strength that I have in him. He has already set me up for success, all I have to do is trust him and claim it. Praise God!

This has been the craziest, hardest, most suckiest and best thing I have ever done in my entire life. I can feel God building character and discipline in me. And I love him even more for that. I have never been as mentally and physically tired as I am experiencing here.

I got to share what God has done in my life. We were sitting around the table eating dinner last night and somehow religion and spirituality came up. People shared what their beliefs or thoughts were. Its a pretty diverse group here. We got a Mormon, Catholic, Methodist (me), an atheist and an agnostic. It was weird, but I felt that I just needed to listen and not speak. So I kept my mouth shut and listened. The last person to go explained how she was agnostic and couldn't really believe in God because of certain events in her life. She didn't go into great detail, but I sensed some serious hurt and pain from her past. Her views weren't very popular at the table we were sitting at and people started to kinda get on her about not believing in God or at least a god of some kind. She didn't share anymore. And I we sat there eating the rest of dinner I almost broke into tears. In my mind I had this image of God just in agony over his daughter who is lost. It hit me like a ton of bricks and I sensed that God deeply loves this girl and he is not letting her get away. I went to the bathroom after dinner and I was praying. What should I say? What can I say to make a difference? What scripture can I quote that will move her world. And God said just to tell her what he has done for me and let her know that he loves her. I told him when I got the chance that I would tell her. God has a sense of humor, I went and got on the elevator and guess who was on there? Yep, just me and her. I don't even know how I started it but soon I was sharing what God has done in my life. She seemed interested and we continued talking after we got off the elevator. I sensed that God wanted me to open up and be real with her. I shared things with her that I have only shared with a couple of people. I figured she was going to run away thinking I was a freak. I told her that God wanted her to know that he is crazy about her and loves her deeply. She started crying, opening up to me about her problems in life and depression and all kinds of hurt. I asked her if I could pray for her but she was so upset she walked away to her room crying. I had no idea where to go from there. What the crap do I do now? This morning after breakfast she asked me if I would keep her in my prayers. That's it. Nothing more. I have no idea where she is. She didn't share anymore. But I think I honored God by just sharing with her. I realized that it isn't even my story, but Gods story. So I will pray for her and look for opportunities and be prepared if the time comes to talk more.

It was the most natural thing in the world to share with her. It was nuts. I realized you don't have to have the Bible memorized or have graduated from seminary. For the first time while sharing the gospel with someone I didnt have an agenda. I just tried to love her like God does. God just wants his people to talk about him! Its that simple.

with the eye of the tiger,
ken