Not much to report this week. I have been sick since yesterday morning. Although I am getting a little better. But it really bugs me cause I cant do anything. No workouts at all, just rest. But the clock is ticking. I only have a couple weeks left here and I need to finish strong. Its really starting to get to me. But I have to keep in mind that this is a marathon, not a sprint. Its not a numbers game like the tv show. This is about being healthier for the rest of my life. So I just need to chill and rest. And then tomorrow hit it hard.
I cant believe that I've been here 7 weeks. It feels like forever. God has totally changed my life. We were watching some video that was shot the first week I was here. It was strange to watch how different I was. I walk different now and hold myself different. I have confidence. I was wheezing and out of breath just walking at a fast pace and now I'm jogging! None of the clothes I came with fit anymore. I still wear some of the t-shirts but they hang off me. My jeans don't fit at all. Could be the 7+ inches I've lost from my waist.
My dad passed away a few months ago. And he left me some money. That is the only way that I was able to come here. I never would have been able to afford it otherwise. He died of heart failure. And I know he would be proud of me for using some of what he left me for this. I also bought a sweet truck ( hey he liked trucks too!).
I almost didn't come here. Fear is a terrible thing to live with. I don't miss it at all. I think freedom is the coolest thing that Christ gives us. It allows us to live like we were meant to. We weren't created to be slaves, yet that is how much of us live. Thank you God for freedom.
In the words of William Wallace...........FREEDOM!!!!!!!
ken
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Sunday, March 28, 2010
lazy Sunday
Resting is good. Especially when you go non-stop during the week. I appreciate the Sabbath more now that I live an active and physical lifestyle. I enjoy my time with God more too.
I am pretty much just chillin today. Finished my tattoo last night. I cant tell you how much it hurt. Found out that the calf is one of the more sensitive places on the body to get inked. I have wanted this style of tattoo for some time. And the timing seemed perfect. I researched it and designed my own. Its a Polynesian design meaning re-birth or new. I thought it was appropriate considering the changes in my life. Hurt like a beast but it looks cool.
Things are still going good here. Working with a broken wrist, but there are ways around it. Staying strong and giving it all I got. I am on the downhill slope now and I've been tempted to slack off some. But I gotta stay focused and finish strong here.
I am so ready to come home. I miss my friends and church community so much. I am going to Easter Sunday with the Richmond's out here though, so that will be awesome!
Anyway that's about it. Thanks for all the prayers and support. I hope no one has forgotten me back home! See you all in about 3 weeks!
ken
I am pretty much just chillin today. Finished my tattoo last night. I cant tell you how much it hurt. Found out that the calf is one of the more sensitive places on the body to get inked. I have wanted this style of tattoo for some time. And the timing seemed perfect. I researched it and designed my own. Its a Polynesian design meaning re-birth or new. I thought it was appropriate considering the changes in my life. Hurt like a beast but it looks cool.
Things are still going good here. Working with a broken wrist, but there are ways around it. Staying strong and giving it all I got. I am on the downhill slope now and I've been tempted to slack off some. But I gotta stay focused and finish strong here.
I am so ready to come home. I miss my friends and church community so much. I am going to Easter Sunday with the Richmond's out here though, so that will be awesome!
Anyway that's about it. Thanks for all the prayers and support. I hope no one has forgotten me back home! See you all in about 3 weeks!
ken
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
this post will be short. turns out i broke my arm in 2 places riding 4 wheelers at the dunes last Saturday. i have no regrets though, it was amazing! just hard to type with a cast! things are good. very hard, but still good.
I was enjoying some solitude the other night and thinking about transformation. and i realized the reason it is such a difficult journey. God is changing me on many levels but i think first it starts with the heart and from there the mindset. I find myself in this transition where i am now reaching for new things. but that means i have to let go of old things. and that is the difficult part. some of those old things are like parasites that have burrowed under the skin. you have to be proactive in your decision. because you can only cling to or grip so many things at once. you cant cling to old selfish ways and God and his future at the same time. God wont stand for it.
Since about January I have heard God saying to me "what do you want, what will you grip, you need to make up your mind". I love the song lyrics "you wont relent until you have it all". One thing I have learned about God is that he is totally relentless.
So as I loosen my grip on old sinful things I find myself able to grip new things. I cant say enough how good God is. My whole life start to present is the gospel.
All i have to do is remember where i came from and it makes me cry and laugh at the same time. God is filling the holes in my heart. And for that I am eternally grateful. What else can I say? I am the prodigal son who is now an adopted child of God. And if you live life with that realization, then everything else falls into place.
broken and healing in Utah,
ken
I was enjoying some solitude the other night and thinking about transformation. and i realized the reason it is such a difficult journey. God is changing me on many levels but i think first it starts with the heart and from there the mindset. I find myself in this transition where i am now reaching for new things. but that means i have to let go of old things. and that is the difficult part. some of those old things are like parasites that have burrowed under the skin. you have to be proactive in your decision. because you can only cling to or grip so many things at once. you cant cling to old selfish ways and God and his future at the same time. God wont stand for it.
Since about January I have heard God saying to me "what do you want, what will you grip, you need to make up your mind". I love the song lyrics "you wont relent until you have it all". One thing I have learned about God is that he is totally relentless.
So as I loosen my grip on old sinful things I find myself able to grip new things. I cant say enough how good God is. My whole life start to present is the gospel.
All i have to do is remember where i came from and it makes me cry and laugh at the same time. God is filling the holes in my heart. And for that I am eternally grateful. What else can I say? I am the prodigal son who is now an adopted child of God. And if you live life with that realization, then everything else falls into place.
broken and healing in Utah,
ken
Sunday, March 21, 2010
ahh the weekend...
Not much to post today. I'm being pretty lazy today but I've earned it. We went to the famous sand dunes all day yesterday and rode 4wheelers. Cant believe how sun burnt and sore I am. Almost got flung off the quad a couple times. Jacked up my wrist, but worth it! Had a blast.
Hitting the pool and the hot tub today, just gonna chill. Gotta get ready for another big week! Weight in is Tuesday morning. I'm sure it will be fine. We have really been killing it lately. I have learned that the scale isn't nearly as important as we think. All I have to do is the right healthy thing and then the scale is a by-product of that. I feel great. I cant believe how much I miss my church. I haven't had a good Sunday sermon/worship time since I have left Cape. Cant find a church here that is anything I need. But God is good.
Hope you all back home are doing great. See you in a few weeks!
ken
Hitting the pool and the hot tub today, just gonna chill. Gotta get ready for another big week! Weight in is Tuesday morning. I'm sure it will be fine. We have really been killing it lately. I have learned that the scale isn't nearly as important as we think. All I have to do is the right healthy thing and then the scale is a by-product of that. I feel great. I cant believe how much I miss my church. I haven't had a good Sunday sermon/worship time since I have left Cape. Cant find a church here that is anything I need. But God is good.
Hope you all back home are doing great. See you in a few weeks!
ken
Thursday, March 18, 2010
still here
Hey all. I know I haven't blogged this week at all. I cant believe how busy I am here. I just now realized that it is Thursday. This week has been rough, but today is better. This is my fifth week here and the trainers have really kicked it up a notch. Yesterday was leg day and I puked twice. We went to a park and ran hills. I mean really steep hills. I made it almost to the top and my legs totally locked up and I couldn't even walk for a few minutes. It was crazy. Today my legs hurts so bad I have almost cried a couple times.
As we approach the weekend things are starting to move a little slower. Tomorrow we only have 3 workouts. And then a movie and a full body massage tomorrow night. You would think that the massage would be relaxing and sometimes it is. But sometimes your muscles are so tight that you are more sore after the massage.
I'm really looking forward to Saturday. There are only 5 of us here for the next few days, so we decided to have some fun this weekend. Saturday we are renting ATVs and going to the famous sand dunes. We are going to ride all day in the desert! It should be awesome. They say the dunes reach for as far as you can see. Hopefully I'm not too tired to ride!
This week has been hard in different ways. In some ways since I have been here 5 weeks now I am kinda used to it and it is easier. But this week for some reason I have been hitting a lot of mental blocks. I have never physically pushed myself this hard before. And there have been many times this week where I thought I might quit and leave. I wanted to so bad. There has been a lot of crying this week. Mainly from me.
But here's the awesome thing. I didn't quit. Not only did I not quit, I have pushed myself beyond my limits. And now that I am coming out on the other side of it, I feel stronger and more confident. I have been asking God for endurance all week, and he has delivered. I am learning to claim the victory and strength that I have in him. He has already set me up for success, all I have to do is trust him and claim it. Praise God!
This has been the craziest, hardest, most suckiest and best thing I have ever done in my entire life. I can feel God building character and discipline in me. And I love him even more for that. I have never been as mentally and physically tired as I am experiencing here.
I got to share what God has done in my life. We were sitting around the table eating dinner last night and somehow religion and spirituality came up. People shared what their beliefs or thoughts were. Its a pretty diverse group here. We got a Mormon, Catholic, Methodist (me), an atheist and an agnostic. It was weird, but I felt that I just needed to listen and not speak. So I kept my mouth shut and listened. The last person to go explained how she was agnostic and couldn't really believe in God because of certain events in her life. She didn't go into great detail, but I sensed some serious hurt and pain from her past. Her views weren't very popular at the table we were sitting at and people started to kinda get on her about not believing in God or at least a god of some kind. She didn't share anymore. And I we sat there eating the rest of dinner I almost broke into tears. In my mind I had this image of God just in agony over his daughter who is lost. It hit me like a ton of bricks and I sensed that God deeply loves this girl and he is not letting her get away. I went to the bathroom after dinner and I was praying. What should I say? What can I say to make a difference? What scripture can I quote that will move her world. And God said just to tell her what he has done for me and let her know that he loves her. I told him when I got the chance that I would tell her. God has a sense of humor, I went and got on the elevator and guess who was on there? Yep, just me and her. I don't even know how I started it but soon I was sharing what God has done in my life. She seemed interested and we continued talking after we got off the elevator. I sensed that God wanted me to open up and be real with her. I shared things with her that I have only shared with a couple of people. I figured she was going to run away thinking I was a freak. I told her that God wanted her to know that he is crazy about her and loves her deeply. She started crying, opening up to me about her problems in life and depression and all kinds of hurt. I asked her if I could pray for her but she was so upset she walked away to her room crying. I had no idea where to go from there. What the crap do I do now? This morning after breakfast she asked me if I would keep her in my prayers. That's it. Nothing more. I have no idea where she is. She didn't share anymore. But I think I honored God by just sharing with her. I realized that it isn't even my story, but Gods story. So I will pray for her and look for opportunities and be prepared if the time comes to talk more.
It was the most natural thing in the world to share with her. It was nuts. I realized you don't have to have the Bible memorized or have graduated from seminary. For the first time while sharing the gospel with someone I didnt have an agenda. I just tried to love her like God does. God just wants his people to talk about him! Its that simple.
with the eye of the tiger,
ken
As we approach the weekend things are starting to move a little slower. Tomorrow we only have 3 workouts. And then a movie and a full body massage tomorrow night. You would think that the massage would be relaxing and sometimes it is. But sometimes your muscles are so tight that you are more sore after the massage.
I'm really looking forward to Saturday. There are only 5 of us here for the next few days, so we decided to have some fun this weekend. Saturday we are renting ATVs and going to the famous sand dunes. We are going to ride all day in the desert! It should be awesome. They say the dunes reach for as far as you can see. Hopefully I'm not too tired to ride!
This week has been hard in different ways. In some ways since I have been here 5 weeks now I am kinda used to it and it is easier. But this week for some reason I have been hitting a lot of mental blocks. I have never physically pushed myself this hard before. And there have been many times this week where I thought I might quit and leave. I wanted to so bad. There has been a lot of crying this week. Mainly from me.
But here's the awesome thing. I didn't quit. Not only did I not quit, I have pushed myself beyond my limits. And now that I am coming out on the other side of it, I feel stronger and more confident. I have been asking God for endurance all week, and he has delivered. I am learning to claim the victory and strength that I have in him. He has already set me up for success, all I have to do is trust him and claim it. Praise God!
This has been the craziest, hardest, most suckiest and best thing I have ever done in my entire life. I can feel God building character and discipline in me. And I love him even more for that. I have never been as mentally and physically tired as I am experiencing here.
I got to share what God has done in my life. We were sitting around the table eating dinner last night and somehow religion and spirituality came up. People shared what their beliefs or thoughts were. Its a pretty diverse group here. We got a Mormon, Catholic, Methodist (me), an atheist and an agnostic. It was weird, but I felt that I just needed to listen and not speak. So I kept my mouth shut and listened. The last person to go explained how she was agnostic and couldn't really believe in God because of certain events in her life. She didn't go into great detail, but I sensed some serious hurt and pain from her past. Her views weren't very popular at the table we were sitting at and people started to kinda get on her about not believing in God or at least a god of some kind. She didn't share anymore. And I we sat there eating the rest of dinner I almost broke into tears. In my mind I had this image of God just in agony over his daughter who is lost. It hit me like a ton of bricks and I sensed that God deeply loves this girl and he is not letting her get away. I went to the bathroom after dinner and I was praying. What should I say? What can I say to make a difference? What scripture can I quote that will move her world. And God said just to tell her what he has done for me and let her know that he loves her. I told him when I got the chance that I would tell her. God has a sense of humor, I went and got on the elevator and guess who was on there? Yep, just me and her. I don't even know how I started it but soon I was sharing what God has done in my life. She seemed interested and we continued talking after we got off the elevator. I sensed that God wanted me to open up and be real with her. I shared things with her that I have only shared with a couple of people. I figured she was going to run away thinking I was a freak. I told her that God wanted her to know that he is crazy about her and loves her deeply. She started crying, opening up to me about her problems in life and depression and all kinds of hurt. I asked her if I could pray for her but she was so upset she walked away to her room crying. I had no idea where to go from there. What the crap do I do now? This morning after breakfast she asked me if I would keep her in my prayers. That's it. Nothing more. I have no idea where she is. She didn't share anymore. But I think I honored God by just sharing with her. I realized that it isn't even my story, but Gods story. So I will pray for her and look for opportunities and be prepared if the time comes to talk more.
It was the most natural thing in the world to share with her. It was nuts. I realized you don't have to have the Bible memorized or have graduated from seminary. For the first time while sharing the gospel with someone I didnt have an agenda. I just tried to love her like God does. God just wants his people to talk about him! Its that simple.
with the eye of the tiger,
ken
Thursday, March 11, 2010
almost halfway there!
This has been a pretty good week. I did have a mishap while hiking. Took a nasty spill and bruised my shoulder, arm and hip. But I am on the mend! Nothing broke, that's all I can hope for! Even if I could go back and do something different I wouldn't. The view from that mountain was worth the pain. I think maybe the pain made the view even more beautiful. Because that view for me that day came with a price. And something I have learned here is that nothing that comes easy is worth having.
Today has been awesome. I have already burned about 4000 calories during workouts. We started the day with a rough hour long core workout. We ended it with an abs burnout. Which is where you do crunches while holding a 10 pound medicine ball above your head. I finished! And then promptly threw up all over. Everyone was laughing and pointing. Ah well, it happens.
Had a great weight training session this afternoon, worked biceps and triceps. I cant hardly lift my arms right now and I know it will be worse tomorrow!
getting ready for dinner and then onto our evening workout. Tonight I'm doing a turbo water aerobics class. Its harder than it sounds.
I am coming up on my halfway point here. Monday will be 4 weeks in and 4 to go. I can't praise God enough for the change he is bringing into my life. I am 30 years old and I feel as if I just started living. My whole mindset is different. My priorities are different. My outlook on life is different. So I guess what I'm saying is that I'm coming home different!
I was brushing my teeth last night and looking in the mirror. I was so happy that I started to laugh. I can see the difference in my face from the weight loss.
I wont lie, these first 4 weeks here have been the hardest thing that I have ever done. There have been days of horrible temptation. Times that I wanted to just give up. Times when I thought there was no way that I can do this. But the cool thing is that God can do all things! And he is pulling me through this.
This has been the best thing that I have ever done. I am ready to attack the rest of my life. I have no idea what God has in store for me for the future. No idea where I will be working when I come home. But I am not worried about it. Because with a God like ours in control, I don't have to worry.
Thanks so much for the letters and prayers and encouragement. I would not even have made it to this place if it weren't for the people God put in my life.
Love you all and miss you,
see you in 5 weeks!
ken
Today has been awesome. I have already burned about 4000 calories during workouts. We started the day with a rough hour long core workout. We ended it with an abs burnout. Which is where you do crunches while holding a 10 pound medicine ball above your head. I finished! And then promptly threw up all over. Everyone was laughing and pointing. Ah well, it happens.
Had a great weight training session this afternoon, worked biceps and triceps. I cant hardly lift my arms right now and I know it will be worse tomorrow!
getting ready for dinner and then onto our evening workout. Tonight I'm doing a turbo water aerobics class. Its harder than it sounds.
I am coming up on my halfway point here. Monday will be 4 weeks in and 4 to go. I can't praise God enough for the change he is bringing into my life. I am 30 years old and I feel as if I just started living. My whole mindset is different. My priorities are different. My outlook on life is different. So I guess what I'm saying is that I'm coming home different!
I was brushing my teeth last night and looking in the mirror. I was so happy that I started to laugh. I can see the difference in my face from the weight loss.
I wont lie, these first 4 weeks here have been the hardest thing that I have ever done. There have been days of horrible temptation. Times that I wanted to just give up. Times when I thought there was no way that I can do this. But the cool thing is that God can do all things! And he is pulling me through this.
This has been the best thing that I have ever done. I am ready to attack the rest of my life. I have no idea what God has in store for me for the future. No idea where I will be working when I come home. But I am not worried about it. Because with a God like ours in control, I don't have to worry.
Thanks so much for the letters and prayers and encouragement. I would not even have made it to this place if it weren't for the people God put in my life.
Love you all and miss you,
see you in 5 weeks!
ken
Monday, March 8, 2010
eye of the tiger baby....
Happy Monday!
After being well rested from a great weekend, I am back at it hardcore today. Started the morning off at 6 with a killer core workout, my abs are still threatening to cramp! Then a great breakfast and a weight training session, I cant lift either arm at the moment. Got a little free time right now and then onto lunch followed by a 6 mile hike ( which I can now do no problem)
Its crazy, the more I push my body, the more it likes it. I have pushed far past any place I have ever been mentally and physically. And I found out that I can in fact do it. I have found something here that is precious. And it is growing. I have found Confidence! Not in myself, but what God will help me do when I lean on him and push it.
I realized today that I am changing in more than just physical ways. I am up at the butt crack of dawn everyday, and I love it. I get to watch God bring the sun up every morning and its one of my favorite things now. Eating the right way, so much good healthy food out there.
My blood pressure has lowered, I was on medication when I came here and now I don't need it! My resting heart rate is 32 beats per minute lower. Which means I can do more stuff now. I used to sometimes not even get off the couch and now I am literally climbing mountains! I am falling in love with God like I never have before. Spending so much time with him. I almost cant stand to sit still anymore. I feel like I should be doing something. Total 180 from before. I am finding out that I am pretty competitive. And that I love beating new challenges. I couldn't walk one mile before I came here without being winded and having to stop. This morning as a warm up I jogged a mile and then went on to a full workout.
The body is a truly amazing creation. God doesn't get enough credit for his genius. I am turning into a machine. And I am loving it!
But this is all just a training ground. I have 5 more weeks here. And then its back to the real world. And I cant wait. Because I know its going to be completely different. Because it a choice. And its my choice. I know where I am coming from, and I'll never go back there again!
with the eye of the tiger,
big ken
After being well rested from a great weekend, I am back at it hardcore today. Started the morning off at 6 with a killer core workout, my abs are still threatening to cramp! Then a great breakfast and a weight training session, I cant lift either arm at the moment. Got a little free time right now and then onto lunch followed by a 6 mile hike ( which I can now do no problem)
Its crazy, the more I push my body, the more it likes it. I have pushed far past any place I have ever been mentally and physically. And I found out that I can in fact do it. I have found something here that is precious. And it is growing. I have found Confidence! Not in myself, but what God will help me do when I lean on him and push it.
I realized today that I am changing in more than just physical ways. I am up at the butt crack of dawn everyday, and I love it. I get to watch God bring the sun up every morning and its one of my favorite things now. Eating the right way, so much good healthy food out there.
My blood pressure has lowered, I was on medication when I came here and now I don't need it! My resting heart rate is 32 beats per minute lower. Which means I can do more stuff now. I used to sometimes not even get off the couch and now I am literally climbing mountains! I am falling in love with God like I never have before. Spending so much time with him. I almost cant stand to sit still anymore. I feel like I should be doing something. Total 180 from before. I am finding out that I am pretty competitive. And that I love beating new challenges. I couldn't walk one mile before I came here without being winded and having to stop. This morning as a warm up I jogged a mile and then went on to a full workout.
The body is a truly amazing creation. God doesn't get enough credit for his genius. I am turning into a machine. And I am loving it!
But this is all just a training ground. I have 5 more weeks here. And then its back to the real world. And I cant wait. Because I know its going to be completely different. Because it a choice. And its my choice. I know where I am coming from, and I'll never go back there again!
with the eye of the tiger,
big ken
Saturday, March 6, 2010
oops...
So one of the cool things about this experience is that I am trying new things. And I'm finding out that being healthy and living right can be fun. I found out that while I despise just walking, I love hiking trails. I also found out that yoga makes you toot. I had my first yoga class this morning. And we were doing this position called downward dog. And my abs were getting such a workout that I couldn't help but toot. Everyone laughed and the instructor said that is normal to toot during yoga. So anyway I didn't feel too bad.
The last couple days have been awesome. I have felt great and really been able to push it farther. I am daily passing the point where I think I cant go on anymore. Where I would have quit before I now push through. I have prayed for strength and endurance and God is blessing me with them.
Last night we went cosmic bowling, it was pretty fun. The group of people I am here with are really cool people. I have made really good friends with several of them. Today we have one more light cardio workout after lunch. Then some of us are going to the auto expo tonight. I hear it is really cool.
Sunday is always a relaxing day. Massages in the morning, pool and hot tub, a nice hike in the National Park. Its a much needed day for body and mind to recover.
Oh and here is something awesome too. In a couple weeks some of us are going to see Muse in concert here. That should be fun.
Anyway that's about it for the last couple days. Just been doing my thing here. Time has really started to fly here. After this weekend I will have 4 more weeks here. I cant wait to come home. I feel like I'm just now starting to live. Reading the Bible daily, spending time with God and seeking his will. Letting him deal with stuff I have held onto for way too long. TRANSFORMATION!!!! Its by far the hardest thing I have ever done, but it is so worth it!
love you all,
ken
The last couple days have been awesome. I have felt great and really been able to push it farther. I am daily passing the point where I think I cant go on anymore. Where I would have quit before I now push through. I have prayed for strength and endurance and God is blessing me with them.
Last night we went cosmic bowling, it was pretty fun. The group of people I am here with are really cool people. I have made really good friends with several of them. Today we have one more light cardio workout after lunch. Then some of us are going to the auto expo tonight. I hear it is really cool.
Sunday is always a relaxing day. Massages in the morning, pool and hot tub, a nice hike in the National Park. Its a much needed day for body and mind to recover.
Oh and here is something awesome too. In a couple weeks some of us are going to see Muse in concert here. That should be fun.
Anyway that's about it for the last couple days. Just been doing my thing here. Time has really started to fly here. After this weekend I will have 4 more weeks here. I cant wait to come home. I feel like I'm just now starting to live. Reading the Bible daily, spending time with God and seeking his will. Letting him deal with stuff I have held onto for way too long. TRANSFORMATION!!!! Its by far the hardest thing I have ever done, but it is so worth it!
love you all,
ken
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
highs and lows...
Hello to my people out there. Things are going great but tough here. Monday we had an all day snowshoeing adventure. It was amazing. We were at 12000 ft. And you could tell the difference in your breathing. We did part packed trails and not packed trails. Some places it was waist deep and it was a workout just to walk. We did about 9 miles in all. It was awesome. We went through the national park. So quiet there, miles away from anything. Saw all kinds of wildlife and beautiful mountains and cliffs. Yesterday and today my lower body has hurt so bad, that all I can do is laugh. Every muscle is just screaming! But its cool cause I know that I earned that. I have never pushed myself like that before. And I made it through! It was worth it and I cant wait till we go again.
The last couple days have been rough on everyone here. Seems like we all have a couple great days, where your feeling great and just killing the workouts and nothing can stop you. Then a couple days later the pain sets in and you have trouble getting in and out of a chair. I have had cramps in places I didn't know could cramp. Its actually pretty funny. But so worth it.
I can feel my mindset changing. Thinking less about the now and more about the future. And I realize that is what being healthy is all about. Making good decisions now that benefit us long term. And then I got to thinking how that is suppose to be the way we make decisions in every part of our lives. Somethings are great when we want them, cause when we want something, be it food or anything else, we typically want it right now. That is why sometimes it seems like we are a nation of fat, lazy and spoiled people.
God is teaching me that self-control isn't a myth or an unattainable goal. But it is hard to put into action. And its not something that can be learned and then no longer pursued any more. It is an ongoing process of keeping our wants and desires in check.
The last two days I have been mentally exhausted. My trainer says it is normal. I feel like I have hit a wall. I am trying to pray and call on God for strength and endurance. And I am being attacked in my sleep. With really depressing dreams. For the last couple nights I have been dreaming of my grandma who passed away a couple years ago. In the dream I am aware that its not real and it depresses me. And I find myself lonely and struggling as I start my day.
We went to the state capital today. They are doing major renovations on their buildings. And they were explaining to us that some of the older buildings had to be completely broken down to their foundations before they could be properly built back up. I had this weird moment where I though I heard God whisper to me "see? do you get it? I'm tearing you down to rebuild you."
One thing I have learned in the last 4 years of my life is that growth is hard. And not a little hard. But there is a point in real growth that just plain sucks. I am very grateful that God is working on me. But I thought I was coming here to work on physical growth. But I'm finding out that God had a lot more in store for me. I am feeling very raw. Thinking a lot about failed relationships and lost loved ones. Part of it is that I am away from home. But I know also that God is addressing some things as I release my grip on them.
I drove out here to Utah. And on the way here I stopped and visited my mother. I hadn't seen her in years. We are estranged and have been since I was young. I felt like God wanted me to meet with here. So we spent a few hours together. It was very strange, like visiting a stranger. It wasn't dramatic or anything like I was expecting. And afterwards I find myself angry. I'm not sure who I'm mad at. I mean it took a lot for me to just meet with her and put myself out there. I think I had too much expectations about what God was going to do. I need to just let it be what it is going to be and move on I guess.
Anyway I guess that's about it for this week so far. Thanks for all the prayers and letters.
miss you all,
ken
The last couple days have been rough on everyone here. Seems like we all have a couple great days, where your feeling great and just killing the workouts and nothing can stop you. Then a couple days later the pain sets in and you have trouble getting in and out of a chair. I have had cramps in places I didn't know could cramp. Its actually pretty funny. But so worth it.
I can feel my mindset changing. Thinking less about the now and more about the future. And I realize that is what being healthy is all about. Making good decisions now that benefit us long term. And then I got to thinking how that is suppose to be the way we make decisions in every part of our lives. Somethings are great when we want them, cause when we want something, be it food or anything else, we typically want it right now. That is why sometimes it seems like we are a nation of fat, lazy and spoiled people.
God is teaching me that self-control isn't a myth or an unattainable goal. But it is hard to put into action. And its not something that can be learned and then no longer pursued any more. It is an ongoing process of keeping our wants and desires in check.
The last two days I have been mentally exhausted. My trainer says it is normal. I feel like I have hit a wall. I am trying to pray and call on God for strength and endurance. And I am being attacked in my sleep. With really depressing dreams. For the last couple nights I have been dreaming of my grandma who passed away a couple years ago. In the dream I am aware that its not real and it depresses me. And I find myself lonely and struggling as I start my day.
We went to the state capital today. They are doing major renovations on their buildings. And they were explaining to us that some of the older buildings had to be completely broken down to their foundations before they could be properly built back up. I had this weird moment where I though I heard God whisper to me "see? do you get it? I'm tearing you down to rebuild you."
One thing I have learned in the last 4 years of my life is that growth is hard. And not a little hard. But there is a point in real growth that just plain sucks. I am very grateful that God is working on me. But I thought I was coming here to work on physical growth. But I'm finding out that God had a lot more in store for me. I am feeling very raw. Thinking a lot about failed relationships and lost loved ones. Part of it is that I am away from home. But I know also that God is addressing some things as I release my grip on them.
I drove out here to Utah. And on the way here I stopped and visited my mother. I hadn't seen her in years. We are estranged and have been since I was young. I felt like God wanted me to meet with here. So we spent a few hours together. It was very strange, like visiting a stranger. It wasn't dramatic or anything like I was expecting. And afterwards I find myself angry. I'm not sure who I'm mad at. I mean it took a lot for me to just meet with her and put myself out there. I think I had too much expectations about what God was going to do. I need to just let it be what it is going to be and move on I guess.
Anyway I guess that's about it for this week so far. Thanks for all the prayers and letters.
miss you all,
ken
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